In Memorium

William L. (Bill) Connor, 50, jubilantly cast off his human covering and returned to spirit on Tuesday, September 2, 2008, certain to be greeted by his two heroes in this life, his beloved son, Jaran, and his lord and savior, Jesus Christ.
Born to Marge Connor in Saint Paul, MN, on March 1, 1958, Bill’s childhood was filled with challenges that he would later credit as instrumental in shaping his adult view of the world. With no family car to travel the local streets, Bill grew adept at using the city transit system, where he typically rode free of charge, having learned early in his life the benefits of having charisma. The hundreds of bus rides made him develop an early love of motor coaches, and eventually led him to shed the responsibilities of a credit card bank president to form Prairie Coach Trailways which he ran out of Dell Rapids. He was never happier than when he was behind the wheel of one of the twelve buses in his fleet.
Since Bill’s childhood was so deficient in the things of the world, he learned to find joy in giving rather than receiving, a trait that influenced him as he matured. An ordinary day for Bill would be turned into a joyful one if he found an opportunity to help someone in some small way. For Bill, it was never about, “What can you do for me?” but “How can I help you?” After his son, Jaran was diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer in 1999, Bill was inspired to form a nonprofit corporation, appropriately named Angel Bus. The mission of Angel Bus was to coordinate travel for terminally ill children in luxury motor coaches around the country. Before his illness, Bill personally drove several Angel Bus missions. He was always humbled by the opportunity to serve those most in need.
Bill was diagnosed with acute leukemia 20 days after his son passed away in 2004, and has been fighting the disease in one form or another since then, with rare periods of remission. When first diagnosed four years ago, Bill’s goal was to live to celebrate his 50th birthday. He met that goal this year. Shortly afterward, the leukemia fiercely returned. Bill was currently undergoing chemotherapy in preparation of a stem cell transplant when infection took his life. To Bill, the leukemia didn’t win, God just had a new job assignment for him to do in heaven.
Left to celebrate his wonderful life are his wife of 10 years, Nola from Colton; mother, Marge Hughes in Brainerd, MN; foster parents Grant and Judith Johnson in Pillager, MN; daughter Anika (Jake) Athman and their daughter, Ava, of Sartell, MN; several brothers and sisters spread around the country, and beloved friends Mary Schmidt, Nate and Kristy Heinert, Roy and Elaine Van Liere, and many others too numerous to mention who have been cherished prayer warriors through the best and worst of times. Special appreciation is extended to the physicians at Avera Hematology (Kelly, Vinod, Steve) and their nursing staff who all provided extraordinary medical care to Bill throughout the last four years. In every possible way, they truly cared for Bill’s life. Left to mourn Bill is his treasured Golden Retriever, Reagan, from whom Bill learned many lessons in the fine art of unconditional love and the power of patience.
At Bill’s request, a private memorial service will be held. In lieu of flowers or memorial gifts to the family, it is requested that all memorials be directed to the nonprofit River of Hope Foundation who so selflessly and lovingly provided Bill with his dream landscape and pond in the last days of his life. Contributions to bless other cancer patients with a “river of hope” can be sent to the River of Hope Foundation in care of First National Bank in Dell Rapids, SD 57022.

Tears flow freely on earth, but it's "Shoutin' Time in Heaven"

Late this afternoon, Bill passed quietly away in the Avera ICU unit, accompanied by our dear friends Mary Schmidt and Nate Heinert (and me, of course). He fought as hard as anyone could be expected to fight, and his reward is the peace and love found only in heaven. It was Bill's wish to have a small, private cermony, so we are working on those plans now.

One of his favorite poems was by W H Auden, and I'd like to share it with you tonight because it expresses exactly how I feel at this time:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.



Tonight, Bill sails, freely and unencumbered, into the heavens he so certainly deserves. May he rest in perfect peace.

Love,
Nola

Sunday Night Update

Dear Friends:

Bill continues a heroic fight for his life tonight. Mary and I visited him this morning and again this afternoon. He remains on breathing support and kidney dialysis, along with many other medications and apparatus that are helping him sustain a slender hold on this earthly life. Although he has a breathing tube, he continues to assist the machine with his own breathing efforts.

We are absolutely certain that he is aware that we are at his bedside by the reactions we receive from him – head movements, hand movements. The nursing staff concurs that it is an acknowledgement from Bill, not simply an autonomic reaction. In fact, the nurse told us that she squeezed one of his toes this morning and he lifted his hand and pointed his index finger at her, even through the dense fog of sedation. She said his mind and heart are strong. If his counts would return, he would have much more to fight with. It is a waiting game with life and death consequences.

It is heart-wrenching to see him in this condition, so close to leaving me, hanging on, hanging on. I spoke clearly to him today and told him that if he wanted to stay with us a while longer, he would have to assemble the greatest arsenal of physical and spiritual strength he’s ever called forth, but that if he wanted to leave, it was OK, I would support whatever choice he needs to make. I have a sense that he isn’t ready to give up or give in. Anyone who knows Bill knows that there is not a stronger will to be found.

Please pray for strength for him and for his blood counts to return. I pray that Jesus wraps his comforting arms around Bill, filling him with his infinite love. Please join me in this prayer.

Faithfully,
Nola

The Power of Love

To all,

Today Nola and I spent precious minutes with Bill in ICU. I know for a fact it was only minutes because they limit your time in ICU to minutes - even family. But if you asked me what I did today, those are really the only minutes I actually remember. Bill and Nola and me speaking quietly and softly holding hands. Well, Nola softly touching Bill's hand, us both speaking quietly and Bill holding on. We cried. They were powerful minutes - strikingly powerful.

Even though Bill was completely sedated today, I know he understood the power of the moment. When he heard Nola's voice his brow curled and his hand moved in complete defiance of the morphine. Trust me. It was powerful.

Power is a funny word. For as long as I have known Bill (some 20+ years) he has strived to understand the implications of the word...the power of love, the power of influence, the power of words, the power of silence, the power of pain, the power of humility, the power of prayer, the power of God. Today in that hospital room there was an aura of power...the power of Nola's undying love for Bill, the power of God's undying love for Bill and the power of Bill's everlasting commitment to give this everything he has for as long as it is God's will.

If Bill were awake and able I know he would be blogging today about the power of love and friendship, faith and miracles. On behalf of Bill thank you to Nola and all the blog readers for your love and friendship, keep the faith and pray for a miracle. Short of a miraculous recovery, I guess I can only pray that God's will be done and God bring him the peace and serenity he so deserves.

May the power of God's love be with you today and always, Bill.

A forever friend in love and faith,

Mary
Willow Lake, SD / Nashville, TN

Saturday Morning Update

We keep praying and hoping for a glimmer of improvement and there is none. Bill is actually in great trouble this morning. His kidney function has stopped, everything they're pumping into him has not kicked in, his platelets are at 3 (so low as to be meaningless), etc. etc. etc.

They are giving him two units of blood and platelets as I write, and are prepping him for kidney dialysis since he has no kidney output. The nephrologist indicated that without dialysis he will surely not make it, and the risk of dialysis is extremely high because they have to put in very large tubes and he has no platelets to coagulate his blood.

Our friend, Mary Schmidt, flew in last night and is staying with me at our house. I am at work and as soon as she gets to the office, we'll head to the hospital to sit with Bill.

I know how strong Bill's faith is and that if he is being called home, his bags are packed and he is ready to go. I wish I felt ready to let him go, but this is just so incredibly difficult. Please pray for all of us.

Nola

Friday Morning Update

Bill did not do very well overnight. Apparently the infection is making his lungs compressed, so they elected to put a breathing tube down his throat this morning to assist his lungs. He will remain fully sedated until the infection is finally controlled and they can remove the tube.

No visitors are allowed (except me, of course) - I will post again as things change. I'm going down this afternoon with the fervent hope that all of the antibiotics and fungicides that they're pouring into him finally start to work. Please pray that things change for the better soon as Bill is desperately ill.

Blessings,
Nola

The Valley Got a Little Deeper Today

Bill had a very difficult day today. Certain physical functions got the attention of his doctors and they moved him from the Oncology Ward to ICU so he could have constant medical attention.

He has an infection that they haven't gotten their arms around yet that is causing extreme abdominal swelling, which in turn puts pressure on his lungs. They were fearful of a perforated bowel, which would have been most devestating news, but the CT this afternoon indicated no perforations. The docs said he is not in the clear yet after a most trying day, but we are hopeful that they can control the infections and move him out of ICU in a few days. He definitely has a staph infection that they are typing to treat by administering the best possible antibiotics.

They put a B-pap machine on him today (very similar to a C-pap machine used for sleep apnea), and in his semi-conscious state, he is fighting it all the way.

In simple terms, Bill's condition is extremely serious. There were more than a few tears shed today.

Please, please pray that Bill is tended to by the Great Physican Himself . . . pray for his body to be free from infections and for his lower intestinal tract to remain in perfect form. Pray that he has a peaceful night.

Since Bill's condition is so serious, I will post daily to keep you informed of his progress until he can post himself - what a glorious day that will be!

Blessings,
Nola

The Valley Walk Continues

I'm being Bill's blog surrogate again tonight as he is simply unable to share his thoughts.

It was very difficult to see Bill lying in his hospital bed tonight, tethered to yet another life-sustaining pole. Besides the 3-prong central line implanted in his left chest, the catheter, and the finger tether that reports heart rates and O2 levels, they inserted a pick-line into his right arm today to bein intraveneous feeding sometime tonight. He hasn't been eating and can't afford to lose body weight. Bill is at a very critical point on the path to wellness, and there are no guarantees that he will pull through this episode. The fevers continue relentlessly.

Bill is still on a continuous morphine drip, with the capability of self-dosing by pushing a button (yes, there is a limit to how many times the machine will respond to self-dosing). The medical staff is doing their best to manage his pain, which is now largely from his abdominal area. Blood cultures reported today that there is a fungus involved, which is more difficult to manage than bacteria or a virus. They are mainlining him with two very powerful fungicides, and doing a fine balancing act between the fungicides and his kidneys . . . apparently the treatment can cause severe kidney damage. Bill's whole body is somewhat swollen, especially his abdomen, and the team says that is due to the fungus. They say that when he developes some white counts on his own, they will work wonders by themselves to kill the fungus. Doctor Steve said we could expect white counts to come around in another five to fourteen days. Yes, my heart dropped at those words. Fourteen days is a lifetime at this juncture.

Bill is lucid momentarily, but not often. He spends most of his days sleeping, which is the best thing for him as the body heals best in deep sleep. For those of you who have wanted to call him, please don't. If you want a status report, you can check his blog which I will try to keep current, or call me at the Prairie Coach office.

We will celebrate our 10th anniversary on Friday . . . a small celebration in a small hospital room, but heartfelt and tender.

Before I forget, a message to everyone in the greater Sioux Empire who can get KSFY on your TV: Watch it at 6:30 tomorrow night . . . the River of Hope Foundation story on the pond that was so generously donated to us. We hope it inspires you to look into becoming a potential blood marrow donor or supporting the River of Hope.

Many, many people have shared that they hold Bill up in prayer, and I can't tell you how much that means to us. There's a story about prayer that I think of every time I hear that someone is praying for Bill, and I'd like to share it with you. The famous "death and dying" doctor, Elizabeth Kubler Ross, told a story about the time at one of her lectures, a young woman came forward to share her connection to prayer. She had been driving her car on a major highway when a serious accident occurred. She said before she knew it, she found herself floating above her car, and she was bombarded by strong words, people saying things like "Darn it, now I'll be late for my meeting," and "Oh, great, here goes my day." Then she saw a stream of light coming toward her from a car three or four cars back, and as she focused on the light, she heard the words of a prayer: "Dear God, protect whoever has been involved in this accident and bring them comfort." She was so drawn to this light that she floated over to the car and saw a woman praying inside. In her out-of-body experience, she forced herself to memorize the woman's license number. After a lengthy recovery, she used her connections to track the woman down and showed up at her doorstep, with flowers in hand, to thank her for her prayers in the hour of her greatest need.

Bill and I both know the power of prayer. Please continue to pray for Bill in HIS hour of greatest need. If you don't pray, then please just picture a healthy Bill surrounded by golden light. It's true that we're all one, and what benefits one benefits all. Your thoughts and prayers are dearly appreciated.

Blessings sent your way,
Nola

Down in a Valley

A warm hello to everyone in Bill's blog-audience from Nola. You know that if I'm writing for Bill, there must be a good reason, and there is. Bill has been in Avera McKennan Hospital in Sioux Falls since last Thursday night. He finished chemo last Tuesday morning, and we knew it would be just a matter of time before a fever hit, which happened in a flash last Thursday evening. So, I drove him to Emergency and he was in a room on the Oncology floor not long after that.

He's had a steady fever of 101-103 since he was admitted, with just very short respites of a 99 or so. His bloodwork has been cultured several times and no bacteria or viruses are growing, which is a good thing. Patients like Bill can get what they call neutrapenic fevers (I think) that are the result of extremely low blood counts, which he has. Two weeks from tomorrow will be Day 28 in the chemo cycle, which is the earliest they will expect his counts to raise.

Bill is not feeling very well and is in a lot of pain, so they've been giving him a pretty serious morphine IV, which has made him experience reality a bit differently. They're lowering the morphine drip tonight, so we expect him to see things in a better light tomorrow.

I spend as much time with him as possible, going into work early and leaving as early as I can so he doesn't feel like he's in Houston again. The physicians and nurses at Avera are so wonderful, always willing to talk, explain, commiserate, support, and do whatever they can to provide comfort, always will an attitude of cheerfulness. This alone is quite the blessing!

Unfortunately, visitors are not encouraged during his stay due to the risk of infection, plus he hasn't really been up to it this stay. He remains positive that everything will work out according to the plan God has for him, and he is once again proving to be a good soldier on his most difficult walk. Please continue to pray that he (and I!) have the grace to handle each event as it unfolds. We're in a bit of a valley right now, knowing that God is right here with us, finding strength in a faith that questions not. We feel your prayers and want you to know how deeply they are appreciated.

Blessings,
Nola

#1 Is Now Available

Dear Friends,

Just a quick note to let you know that we just learned that my #1 stem cell match, a 31 year old male, is now available! The plan remains the same, but with the focus now on getting #1 prepped and ready to go. Of course, he'll be subject to more tests and conditioning, then and only then, can we move onto harvesting the stem cells for transplant. So a little more drama has to pass before we determine if this match is really the one we hope it is.

The actual donation or harvesting process is very similar to donating blood. A machine spins off the stem cells and counts them while returning the blood to the other arm. The transplant is also like a blood transfusion too, no surgery or pain at all.

Unfortunately, since my cancer is not in remission, I'll have to continue with the high dose chemo through Tuesday. From there we'll wait approximately 21 days to see that my blood counts recover from the chemo hit. Finally, another biopsy to see if the chemo had an effect on the cancer growth. I've had this drug before and it has worked in the past, so we're all praying that it can do it again. The goal of course is remission prior to transplant, but if not, we'll have no other choice but to proceed. The path has narrowed, and the valley is deep, but our spirits are high and hopeful.

Please know that all of your calls, cards and prayer chain efforts are very uplifting. My life, and all of its challenges, is in God's hands and He hears every prayer, plea, request and heartache. Stay the course and know that the Tiger is still climbin'!

He Made A Change,

Bill

I'm In The "Rough"

My Dear Fellow Bloggers,

I'm focusing on this latest news much like Tiger Woods approaches a bad T-shot. No matter where the ball lands, you've got to make the best next shot possible. No one has mastered this discipline better than Tiger.

So it is today after learning that I'm "in the rough" so to speak. My blasts have increased since my last chemo round which is a set back for sure. Today, we've elected to begin another round of "high dose" chemo with the hope that this will at least contain the growth to allow me the time to see if my #1 match is available. I'll receive 12 rounds (2 per day) for the next 6 days. This will, of course, cause my blood counts to tank, so I'll be hanging low to avoid any infections. As of today, this will be as an outpatient. If this don't work, or if the match doesn't become available, I will have to go to transplant with the cancer present with the plan to connect with my #2 match. Obviously, this is not the best scenario but its the "best" shot available at this time. Club selection is important, and God is my caddy, so together we're playing this round filled with faith, hope and anticipation that we'll "birdie" this set-back too!

Please know that your support is more important than ever at this time and we'll continue to keep you posted on the BLOG as best we can.

Still Swingin',

Bill

Not Just Another Monday

Dear Friends,

I've been intentionally quiet on the blog this past week out of respect for the anniversary of the passing of my son Jaran on August 7, 2004. It is still very hard to believe that he has passed, and especially hard to acknowledge that it has been four years.

As you know, I was diagnosed with AML just 20 days later, so it's been four years for me too! My Dr.'s remind me that I have "selected" myself into a very rare group of survivors since most AML patients don't live 4 years. Not sure how much I had to do with this fact, but I am certain that I am the beneficiary of an incredible prayer network whose benefits continue to bless me daily.

Tommorrow, Monday, August 11, 2008 is a big "biopsy" test day. The results of this test will determine what we do next. If the cancer is present, or has progressed, my options are limited. Selfishly, and notwithstanding God's plan, I am hoping that the cancer is contained and hopefully less prevalent than a month ago. This will allow us to continue with the same chemo therapy I received last month with the hope of waiting for my #1 donor match becoming available in September.

Regardless of the test results, our continued prayer is to accept God's plan for my life. If there's a healing or not, I hope to continue to witness His grace to all those that come to cross our path. In this spirit, a film crew is following us around tomorrow. They're filming a documentary type program to wrap around the landscaping volunteer effort. It should be very inspirational and I am grateful that I was chosen as a recipient of such generosity and to be in a position to participate to the benefit of others.

The National Bone Marrow Donor Bank has over 10 million donors world wide willing to donate stem cells with just three(3)being suitable for me. So the next time you think you can't make a difference, think again. Everyone of us has the potential to change lives, literally, so please consider joining this exclusive group of people. The test is simple and painless, and if you are a match in the future, the donation process is as easy as donating blood.

We're loving our new landscaping, patio and pond more and more. Nate Heinert and his friend Bill were here this morning putting in a few more plantings. It truly has transformed our home into a sanctuary. The fall-out though is that the back of our house is now so "ugly" we'll have to do something there too!

Please know that these past few weeks have been both filled with many blessings and challenges and that your support is so very meaningful to us in everyway.

Thank you for all you do,

Bill

In Loving Memory

Jaran Colin Connor

April 2, 1980 - August 7, 2004

John 3:16,

Dad

Wheels Up On Thursday

Hi Again from Home!

My blood counts are holding steady after last weeks chemo so it looks like its "wheels up" on Thursday for the air show in Oshkosh! I'll be driving our "Air Force One" executive bus with fellow aviation enthusiasts, including my dear friend Paul Esser. Paul will serve as co-pilot on this mission; translation, Nola enlisted him to do the heavy lifting to make the trip a bit safer. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I went along with the "I could use the help" routine.

Paul flew Huey's in Vietnam and I've been hounding him for years to go to the show, if for no other reason, to see the War Birds show. He never talks about his experience, but you know it had to be a harrowing one for sure.

I cannot express in words, my appreciation for the efforts of Nate Heinert, Chris and crew from the Rock Garden Nursery in Sioux Falls, and Impact Landscaping also of Sioux Falls. They have literally transformed my front yard into a beautiful park in two days! I'll fill you in on all the details, all the names and businesses, but their generosity of spirit and resources to make our life a little easier is truly the work of the Holy Spirit once again in my life. It's all being taped continuously with "time lapse" for television, so we'll have a real before and after that will really tell the story. They'll have the job completed by Thursday with nearly 15 people on the site pulling double duty in 90 degree temps!

In closing, I continue to feel the benefits of all of your thoughts and prayers and am filled with an overwhelming sense of humility as I write tonight. A month ago, I could only imagine regaining an appetite and putting on over 30 lbs, being physically well enough to drive and travel, see friends and strangers come together on my behalf with such generosity, see our business flourish, and know that its all outside my control and in the hands of the Almighty!

In closing, Bill Gaither summed it up best when he wrote: "Because He Lives, I Can Face Tomorrow."

Still a climbin' and looking forward to tomorrow,

Bill

Chemo Week Over

Hi Bloggers!

I'll try to keep this brief. This has been a long week, as you can imagine. Adjusting to the reality of more chemo, a cold, declining blood counts and the uncertainty of what is to follow is sometimes a little overwhelming.

The goods news, and there's lots of good news, is that I've gained 26 lbs, with 11 more to go. My week-long cold is beginning to break, chemo is over today (at least for now), and I'm planning to go to the EAA AirShow in Oshgosh, WI next week. Cross your fingers that my blood counts allow me to go.

We continue to be amazed by the random acts of kindness that come our way. If you recall, my nurse Inia at M.D. Anderson, our private jet ride home, the fact that I survived the 42 days of captivity, or should I say "isolation", in Houston. My wonderful care and follow-up here at Avera, and the fact that I'm home, to name just a few. But incredibly, we recently learned that our newly remodeled home will be completely landscaped, pond, streams and all by the generosity of area businesses and individuals led by Nate and Kristy Heinert of Dell Rapids. We'll keep you posted on this new "non-profit" effort, but the materials are arriving daily and the plans for our yard are really divine! We'll provide you a detailed listing of those involved, donors, etc., so you can help us in recognizing them for their generosity.

Please join me and Nola as we hold these people and businesses in prayer. If you would like to help in anyway, please contact us at Prairie Coach and we'll put you in touch with Nate and Kristy. All donations are tax deductible and will go towards this project and to the benefit of other "extreme landscape make-over" recipients in the future.

I have to admit that it is very hard to accept this kind of generosity. The "human side" of me fears what others are obviously feeling and fearing. But the outpouring of love and support is very uplifting and a powerful witness of God at work. My prayer is to focus on the blessing and to contain the emotions. This is no small task, especially this week.

Thanks again for your faithful support, love and prayers.

Sincerely,

Bill

How Quickly Things Can Change

Dear Friends,

This is a difficult update to write, since I was so glad to learn the results of my biopsy on Friday. If you recall, one of my nurses relayed the information to me and everything she reported was acurate. My Dr., who has been out for two weeks, returned Monday to review the pathology report. Nola and I met with him on Tuesday to learn that although the leukemia was not detectable,as relayed by the nurse, but cancer blasts (3%) are present, which is what we did't want to see.

It's so disappointing to know that 42 days of isolation, high dose chemo, and the incredible challenges and side effects didn't hold back this disease for even 60 days! We also learned that the top choice of the three bone marrow matches (from over 10 million) is "not available" to donate at this time, but could be available in September. I am told that this is not uncommon, but for privacy reasons, the National Bone Marrow Bank is not able to disclose any personal information about the donor or the recipient.

We don't know anything more than the donor is a male, age 31, who meets 13 of the 14 match criteria. For example, he could be a soldier in Iraq, could be injured, could be a foreign national taking a new job in Germany, we just don't know. The challenge is do we risk trying to contain this cancer from growing over the next 60 days to await this donor; or, go to donor #2, female age 40? A young male is most preferred; women who have had children have "anti-body" changes and seem not to have the success that males do. Younger is better than older, but "available" is better than "not available", so pray that we make the right decisions.

I started chemo again today, 3 shots a day for 7 days. The goal is to contain, perhaps even reduce, the presence of blasts in my marrow. My blood counts are monitored everyday and are safely responding, but certainly not as fast as my Dr. would like to see. This could be due to a slow response but it could be because the cancer is present and affecting my immune system from doing anymore than it is at this time.

I know I am babbling here, but I hope that you're getting a sense of the incredible complexity of the situation and the difficulty in deciding what to do next. Time is not an ally right now, and things can change quickly. As an example, in May, my 2nd relapse started at 5% blasts, in a week they increased to 12%, and the next week they were at 34%! Should this aggressive pattern return and go unchecked, I would not be elgible for a transplant. And, I don't have to go into any more detail about the consequences that would lay ahead.

Our hope is that we continue with the chemo, contain things until September, and Pray that our #1 "Main Man On Campus", where ever that may be, steps up to answer our collective Prayers. If this interim plan don't work, we'll change drugs, and/or go to #2, who remains a very good match (12 of 14 criteria), but female. You might say, I'm a little picky, but the stakes are high and I'm sure you understand.

My counts today showed an overall increase and I tipped the scale at 193 lbs., up 19 lbs in 3 weeks. Just 20 more to go to return to normal. I'm eating like a pig, (Dr's. orders, seriously)hoping to bulk up for the next big hurdle. But I'm an "Iron Ranger" at heart, (northern Minnesota "Fargo" term), and we're tough! As our coach used to say, "Don't sweat the petty, pet the sweaty."

Keep up the Prayer Vigil, don't sweat the petty, and know that

He Made A Change,

Bill

Oops!

Thanks to some feedback from my daughter Anika, I need to clarify a point in my previous blog. After reading my blog, she asked me an obvious question, "why did the hospital call you at 3 am in the morning?" Well, after re-reading my blog, I can see why she would ask this. Allow me to clarify, they did not call me at 3 am. My reference to the "middle of the night phone call" was not written very well. I apologize for the boo boo, and will do a better job editing.

Wish me well this week, and do what you can to smell the roses!

Sincerely,

Bill

The Results Are In

My dear, and patient friends,

I apologize for leaving you hanging out there all week, but I did not learn the results of Tuesday's bone marrow biopsy until this afternoon. And the results, all though unofficial because my Dr. (Kelly) is out until Monday, sound very encouraging. I received a call from Krista, my nurse, to first relay the results of my daily blood tests. This is important, because if they're good, I don't have to check in over the weekend. And, they were good! YEAH!!!! But the real anxiety is wrapped up like the knot in your stomach when the phone rings at 3:30 in the morning. You don't want to know the answer to the question that first jumps to your mind when the phone rings, but you also know that you have to answer the phone.

With all the courage I could muster at that moment, I ackwardly blurted out, "have the biopsy results come in yet?" I wanted to close my eyes to prepare myself for what she might say, but I couldn't because I was driving at the time. I quickly decided, "Why should I alarm everyone?", so I kept a stiff upper lip, took a deep breath and firmly grabbed the wheel, and heard her say "everything looks good." Call me paranoid, but I had to ask "What specifically does it say?" She promptly added "no presence of AML at this time."

No matter how paranoid one can become on this journey, even I recognized that this was, despite the momentary disbelief, that this sounded very encouraging. No matter how many ways I could parse her words, and believe me when I say I replayed her comments a thousand times in under 3 seconds, this information soon evolved into undeniably good news!

The rest of the trip to Watertown was filled with relief and even greater appreciation of what a wonderful day, this day, Nola's Birthday, really was! I am still a little hesitant to proclaim the full benefit of this reprieve, besides my Dr. (Kelly) will have to review the report upon his return next week. But until then, the pardon from the darkness of the alternative was a relief that is hard to explain.

Please accept my thanks for the role that you have prayerfully invested in this wonderful news. I can't help but think that God hears every prayer and judiciously allows His plan to proceed, with the benefit of His Grace, and for all to witness His timing, and to proceed couragiously, no matter what.

My foster parents, Grant and Judy Johnson, are visiting this week. They made the trek from Pillager, MN. When you consider that they've been talking about a visit since 1994, this is a big deal. I tried to assure them that I had know plans of catching the next bus to Big Depot in the sky, we all agreed that a visit was a good idea, despite the "Pink Elephant in the living room".

We enjoyed some Gaither videos, George Younce, the Redlin Center, dinner at the new Michael's Steak House in Sioux Falls. Not a food critic by any means, but this was a real treat, or "two thumbs up" on the Siskel and Ebert meter. Of course we did the obligatory highlights of the city scape, but the visit to Avera turned out to be a real highlight too. I wanted to introduce the people that take such wonderful care of me, and almost like it was pre-planned, all the players came into the waiting area and hallway, as if in a reception line. From the left and right, through the door, and down the hall, even Dr. Vinod just happened by to say Hi. I insisted that they reassure and explain to them that I am doing fine. And like the support cast that they are, they nodded in team like support and gestured that everything is going just fine.

In His Grace,

Bill

P.S. We had dinner, Nola's Birthday dinner, at the Buffalo Trading Post. Not exactly Minerva's, but it seemed like the Tea Room at the Plaza Hotel to all of us today!

Big Test Today

Dear Friends,

I'm writing early this morning as I prepare to travel to Sioux Falls for my bone marrow biopsy. This is an important test that will microscopicly exam the bone marrow that produces the blood cells [and the cancer :( ],but will tell far more than the daily blood tests. The good news though, is that my blood test yesterday was showing considerable improvement which indicates the bone marrow is working, we just don't know how well or if there is a predator present.

Please join me in prayer this morning, that the Dr's are able to complete the exam and continue to see progress and prepare for my transplant as anticipated. However, I pray that whatever the outcome, that I am filled with grace to bear any burden as I witness the fulfillment of God's perfect plan in my life.

I have attended two local churches since being home now for two weeks. Nola and I attended services at Quarry Rock in Dell Rapids and East Nidaros Luthern just south east of Baltic, to personally thank them for their incredible support. Although we are not a member of either church, their members who know us personally, have really rallied their congregations to reach out to us at this important time.

Remember, two weeks ago today, for the first time in over 41 days, my blood counts had risen to a level that was safe for me to leave the hospital. It just so happened that my travel plans were to leave that very morning regardless of my blood counts, but "coincidentally" or somehow miraculously, my blood counts were inspired to climb from virtually zero, to a safe level at just that moment, prior to my departure to the airport, so I could safely leave the hospital is just incredible. Whew! If that isn't a perfect example of God's presence at just the perfect moment, I don't know any other way to explain it.

But yet there are some that might suggest that this could be simply "good luck". But, what would cause luck to not only occur at that perfect time, but to happen with just the right biological response of white blood cells, absolute neutrophile count, platelets and hemoglobin? The odds of this precise blood test improvement at this exact time, allowing me the benefical consequences of safe travel, is simply to broad an event to attribute to the random vagaries of luck.

Facts are stubborn things, and the fact that there was a simultaneous national prayer effort for just this exact result for me, at just that moment in time, quite obviously is more likely attributable to the efforts of those prayerfully seeking the intervention of the Holy Spirit in my life at just that time. To conclude otherwise is, willful blindness, which is a dangerous but all to familiar path for those who are, unable or unwilling, to rely on faith. Or worse, to witness God's presence but willfully attempt to discredit, mislead or witness to the contrary.

We thank you for your prayers, and for God's power presence at this time. I'll be asleep sometime around 9am this morning, and I trust that your prayers will be at work once again. Be safe, and know that you are never alone.

Prayerfully yours,

Bill

Update From The Home Front

Dear Friends,

It's good to update again from home. It was one week ago today that I arrived back home from Houston, and honestly it feels longer. Although my daily routine is pretty limited, the variety is such a departure from the 42 days of medical isolation, I try to pack as much as I can into every waking moment, extending the real time value of everyday.

I check into Avera every morning for blood work to monitor the status of my recovery, and run a few errands in Sioux Falls, and return home for a nap. So far my counts are holding steady, but the recovery seems to me to be frustratingly slow. My Dr. explains that this is not unusual but my expectations leave me feeling like I should be doing better. Perhaps my expectations are unrealistic, but patience has never been my stongest virtue. Tomorrow, I meet with the Dr. again to review things a little closer, with next week the big test, another bone marrow biopsy which will really tell the story how things are going. These results will also formalize a time frame and strategy to prepare for my, (GULP!), transplant. I am hopeful that I can remain out of the hospital the month of July, but this might be a stretch. But, like the Air Force, I "Aim High".

The upside to living with this level of anxiety is that it really diminishes ones concern about the closing cost of a barrel of oil, corn, the closing Dow Industrial average, car sales, mortgage foreclosures, or the myriad of other things the media seems to be screaming about every minute of every day. Living with cancer is really quite liberating; scary, but liberating.

Today, I enjoyed a personal tour of the mock up the new infusion center that is to be included in the new Avera Cancer Institute. I guess the conventional thinking is that since I have spent so much time in the infustion center, I have become somewhat of a, albeit hostile, expert on the subject. To think that I have had even a little input into this new cancer treatment center is really quite rewarding. I just wish it wasn't from a patients perspective. This afternoon, I rode the mower around the yard a bit too. Whew, my bottom wasn't quite up to that just yet. Our buses are equipped with air ride seats, maybe I can have one installed on the mower?

Seriously, I want to express my heartfelt appreciation to all of you who have emailed, commented on the blog site, sent cards, or simply held us, even for just a moment, in your prayers. I am strengthened daily by the encouragement I feel from each and every gesture you send my way.

I pray that my writing somehow blesses you and your approach to your day. Remember always;

"It's a Wonderful Life",

Bill

There's No Place Like Home

Dear Friends,

You can't imagine how great it feels to be home. I can hardly believe how much better I feel just being in familiar surroundings. The recovery process is still quite a daily challenge, but I'm more motivated to take on the daily issues that lie ahead.

As you might imagine, from looking at the pictures of Nola and I at the airport, I've lost a lot of weight. 37 lbs to be exact, so my first objective each day is to consume as many calories as I can. My doctor, Kelly, at Avera in Sioux Falls told me directly to "eat like a pig"! So pray that my appetite remains strong and that I am able to regain my strength, this will only help me endure the treatments that are sure to follow.

Our flight home was truly a blessing that made my return home possible. With my blood counts so low, the risk of infection from exposure at a public airport or the ccnfines of a commercial flight was truly high risk. The Angel Flight team partnered with Grace Flight in Texas to arranage a Flex Jet that was dead headed to Minneapolis on Tuesday to pick up a client. So, a stop in Sioux Falls was a simple stop along the way, but made all the difference for my personal safety. No coincidence, it was an answer to prayer. We inquired about the cost to charter a flight, and it was $11,000.00!

My daily routine now consists of eating breakfast, then off to Avera for blood tests and a daily I.V., eat some cookies, sleep for 90 minutes, eat lunch, do some piddily (sp?) stuff, visit with our office staff and pretend that I'm actually doing something, rest, go home early, eat some snacks, wait for Nola, eat dinner, watch Fox News, sit in the bath tub to soak my bottom, reward myself by eating some ice cream, watch some T.V., eat a bowl of Lucky Charms, watch Frazier, then sleep. Next morning repeat the same. It's Wonderful!

The Avera team has made me feel like I just returned from Iraq. Proud of my effort but quick to show that this is where I need to be. The bottom line, I feel safe here and that has to go along way in the healing process.

Thanks again for following my story, your prayers, cards, calls and emails. You cannot imagine how much your kindness means to both Nola and I. The Stink, our Golden retriever, wasn't startled by my "Scare Crow" like appearance which made me feel extra special since I feared he might not recognize me. But like Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." I'm not in Houston anymore, and "there is no place like home, there's no place like home".

Gratefully yours,

Bill

Good Bye Houston, I'm Going Home!

Dear Friends,

Well, Day 41 started like the previous 40, confined in total isolation, only later to evolve into a spontaneous medical pardon. Isolation lifted, discharge procedures underway, and a plan for me to depart at 9:15am Tuesday morning. It was almost to much to absorb at one time.

Freedom, is just one of the many things I've taken for granted over the years. I took my first steps outside my room and actually walked (shuffled) the hallways, enjoying the different views from the different windows, seeing my support team without face masks, head cover, full gowns, booties and gloves. The expressions on their faces witnessing me emerge from G1053 was professionally muted but nothing short of a standing ovation, I could feel their visual applause as if to say "you made it". Almost to the nurse, virtually all of whom have cared for me at some time or another, couldn't believe how tall I was. It was as if they really didn't recognize me. I understand, their only relationship with me was as bed ridden Patient #749343. But, today I was one of them, and thanks to them, able to move on.

Nola packed my things, and is bringing an extra suit case to wrap things up early in the morning. The staff is accomadating my early A.M. discharge by doing my blood work at Midnight to determine if I need any additional blood work before I leave. Avera and Dr. McCaul (Kelly) in Sioux Falls are going to examine me tomorrow afternoon to prepare for the next phase of my treatment. We're now scheduled to depart Hobby Airport at 11:00 am, with a 1:22 pm arrival in Sioux Falls. A private jet, an absolute answer to Prayer, allows us to bypass the long lines, security screenings,changing of planes, delays, missed connections and all the other inconviences of modern air travel. Please help us in expressing our gratitude, with a prayer of thanks, for the generosity of the Angel Flight/Mercy Medical Flight team that has made this all possible.

Thanks for taking the time to follow my up's and down's and know that your support, thoughts, prayers and cards have all played a role in this day becoming a reality. Although this will be my final Blog from Houston, we'll do our best to stay in touch from our new base of operations, HOME!

Gratefully yours,

Bill

I'm Going Home

Hey from Houston,

Finally, the day has come, it actually has arrived, I can now imagine putting on real clothes and walking out the door for the first time in 42 days. The first sign that my captivity might soon end, came a few days ago when I had to have my Dr. sign off on some forms confirming that I was "ambulatory" and safe to fly. Then I noticed my nurses began to prepare my medications, copies of medical records for Avera to accommodate my Tuesday departure.

Other nurses randomly began to drop in to say good bye and extend their best wishes since they won't be on duty when I'm discharged. Reality really set in when Nola arrived yesterday to organize my things to pack up for the trip home. But since I'm still in an open gown, and eating hospital food, my anticipation feels "like an episode of "Gilligan's Island", always sensing that a rescue was just around the corner but yet something always gets in the way.

Not real sure how the walking thing will go, but one way or the other, Nola and I will be at Hobby Airport for a 9:30am departure. We're expected to arrive at Sioux Falls Business Aviation around noon, can you believe it? No long lines, no security checks, no waiting, no plane transfers, delays, or huge crowds. I'm pinching myself to make sure I'm not in some kind of chemo induced reality fog! But, I think I'm enjoying what I think is about to happen! "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last!"

Keep up the prayers, and know that each of you has played an important role in my recovery.

Gratefully yours,


Bill

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Howdy From Houston,

My spirit is flying high today after learning that my white count has started to move up, my appetite has improved with little nausea, Inia is my nurse today, the transplant team has located three perfect matches for my transplant, and it looks like I'll be released tomorrow or Monday to go home.

But, the trip home presents some real challenges since I am still so vulnerable to infection and the last thing I need to do is expose myself to breathing the recirculated air of 150 passengers on a commercial airplane, long airport delays, and security screenings, and the chance of missing a connection.

So Nola contacted our good friend, Ed Boyer, at Angel Flight. Our Angel Bus network has worked with Angel Flight over the years, never thinking that I might need this service myself. We contemplated having one of our drivers pick me up in our motor home, but I need my blood work monitored daily, and the drive would take at least two days making this option unacceptable. So Nola and Ed were able to arrange a direct non-stop flight from Houston to Sioux Falls on-board a Lear 45 corporate jet. We're tentatively scheduled to depart Tuesday morning.

I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that I'm not only able to go home, but to do so safely and without delay. God's Plan for my life continues to unfold and I continue to pray that I can remain focused on fulfilling His plan with grace and dignity. Selfishly, I pray for a healing, but deep down I recognize that there is purpose in all things, and I am to witness grace and understanding no matter what the circumstances. As a Christian, to suffer as Christ suffered, provides me the opportunity to witness the power of faith and hope.

Continue to pray that events continue to progress, allowing me to return home ASAP. And to recognize the incredible generosity of my care givers. I am convinced God works through people, and each of you have been inspired by the Holy spirit to help me through this most difficult time. Thank you, and know that,

He Made A Change,

Bill

Good News!

Dear Prayer Warriors,

Finally, some positive news to report on Day 35. Biopsy results remain "clear" meaning no cancer blasts, but no recovery yet either. The interpretation from the Dr's is that the recovery is moving slowly, but doesn't appear to be surpressed by the recurrence of the cancer. Today, the plan is to start a "booster" shot to increase my white count, which in-turn should nudge my other counts to follow. This may take another week, but as soon as I reach a safe minimum, I'll be released to go home. And like Blake Shelton sings, "I wanna go home."

I can hardly wait to walk outside and feel the warmth of the sun, a breeze, to have an expectation that goes beyond the confines of my hospital room. My Angel Nurse Inia brought me homemade Phillipino soup. Even though she is not assigned to me, she goes out of her way to encourage me, care for me, and to nourish me. She is of the belief, that natural home cooking can only do me good. I can't agree more, which is why I can't wait to enjoy Nola's homemade stew. Calories, carbs and proteins are important components to basic nutrition, but these alone are not enough to sustain one's well being. The "nuturing" benefit derived only from home cooking is often the missing ingredient that really heals. I'm sure you can appreciate the feeling of being cared for when someone makes you homemade chicken noodle soup to fight a cold. Call it what you will, but the emotional boost from this seemingly insignificant gesture, is God's way of showing his Holy presence.

Gotta say Go Celtics! It was fun to watch not only the big margin, but the names and faces of the great Celtic past in the stands. As I've mentioned before, "time is filled with swift transition", Tiger is out for the year in the prime of his career, and the nation is stunned by the sudden death of NBC's Tim Russert. Neither of them has leukemia but yet their lives have been changed for ever.

Rejoice in your well being, and good health, and thank God for the blessings that present themselves every day.

Hopeful in Houston,

Bill

Holding in Houston

Hi From Houston,

Well, not much new to report here. It is day 35 and still no movement in my blood counts. Every one here is encouraging me to remain calm because this is often the case, since everyone responds differently.

So, today I had another bone marrow biopsy to take a microscopic look to determine the status of my disease. The results may take a couple of days, but will certainly tell us if the cancer is back, or if I'm still in recovery from the treatments. I'm praying that we get some good news soon.

Overall, I am feeling better, eating some without the extreme nausea, and remaining sane in an insane situation. Thankfully, Tiger Woods and a close friend have kept me distracted for the last few days. How exciting it was to watch Tiger do his thing, again and again. WOW!

The flooding in Iowa is very hard to watch on T.V. I can hardly imagine the impact this is having on the people and economy at this time. Life is challenging for all of us, and the question that we need to address is "Am I, or my family, ready for a life changing event?" We learned that the adult son of our brother-in-law (Nola's sister's husband Mike)is on life support in Madison,WI as the result of a horrific motorcycle accident. He is married with an infant child at home. This crisis follows the loss of Mike's other son in a car accident just a couple of years ago. I share this story to illustrate that life happens a moment at a time, for each of us, and change, like the passage of time, steadily advances at it's own will. Thanks to faith and prayer, I remain filled with hope that I can gracefully fulfill God's plan for my life and witness to others to do the same.

When my counts improve, my plan is to return to Avera in Sioux Falls for the remaining treatments and transplant. I'm actually contemplating "a break out" if necessary, but I'll need to recruit some insiders to pull it off. Ha Ha.

Keep up the prayers and know that each and everyone is heard by the Holy Father and translated to me personally.

Gratefully yours,

Bill

The Home Stretch

Day 31 From Houston,

You know you're getting a little stir crazy when you find yourself comparing your confinement to the notorious Scott Peterson who is serving life on Death Row in San Quentin. Isolation has become as much an emotional challenge as a physical one. Can't leave the room, visitors must be totally covered head to toe, no shower or toilet to illiminate the bacteria risk from standing water. Well, you get the picture, my routine is pretty sparce.

Nola just flew out this morning, but her presence, like previous visits, lingers for days. We had a wonderful few days together, meaningful chats, and reconnecting the most incredible gift of knowing that you are loved.

We're just in a wait and see mode, checking blood counts daily for any sign of recovery after the high dose chemo. Average recovery is around 28 days from the start of chemo, but my first round took 34, and today I'm at day 31, so expectations are for things to improve soon.

Thanks to all of you who have sent me cards, books, and gifts. Just like a scene from the t.v. series MASH, mail call is something to look forward too. Especially want to thank Duane and Alvina Harvey, and the Baltic Parish Health Board, Baltic Lutheran Congregation for the beautiful hand made shawl. The card tells the story of how each row is tightly woven with a prayer. Just knowing the spirit behind the effort has a healing quality that is sure to help in my recovery.

Still can't believe the Celtics came back to win last night. Especially being down by 24 at LA! Should be exciting to watch from Boston.

Keep us in your prayers and know that every thought and prayer really matters to both Nola and I.

Nearing the peak,

Bill

God on the Mountain

God On The Mountain

Hi from Houston,

Well, no excuses, other than I just simply have not had the energy to do anymore than I have over the last few days. I'm still a climb'n, just not as fast.

Nola extended her stay this week, her presence brings me unspeakable joy. Please pause with me right now to hold her in prayer. (Pause)

I couldn't help but recall one of my favorite gospel songs and performers, "God On the Mountain" by Lynda Randall. The song reminds the listener that "...life is easy, when your on top of the mountain, but God is still God, in the valley too!"
That verse is so inspiring, much like Pastor Milt's words this morning, reminding me to cast-a-way all fear and "let not your heart be troubled". It is natural to feel fear when in the valley, but many verses, songs, and poems remind us that this is when God is most revealing.

My heart goes out to those families of the Boy Scouts at Little Sioux, Iowa. None of us has any guarantees - we must live every day knowing that God has a purpose for our lives, even those Scouts, who were called so innocently.

A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY goes out to my daughter, Anika, today! Where were you 26 years ago today? I was at the Crosby, MN, hospital welcoming a new spirit into the world.

He Made a Change,

Bill

In the Moment

Good Monday Morning!

All in all, this Monday morning represents a fresh new week for me. I'm feeling better, I am finally able to eat something, my vital signs appear to have stabilized and strengthen. I'm actually able to move around and excercise some. It's still amazing to me how easy it is to forget how much our body does spontaneously to maintain basic health. When is the last time you were grateful that your blood counts were normal? You didn't run a temp all day? You were able to not just eat a normal meal, but actually acknowledge the joy that comes from knowing that what you are eating is fulfilling your responsibility to meet your body's nutritional needs? I shutter to think of how little thought I put into what I ate?

I find myself grateful after every bite, because this very process sustains my well being. Thoughts and prayers from friends and family are like getting individual Christmas presents, each adding a sense of value to that moment.

I'm looking forward to seeing Nola today, go Celtics, and filled with anticipation about the "World's Greatest Dog" show being promoted on T.V. You gotta love the personality of these dogs, I know our Golden, a.k.a. "The Stink", thinks he's one of us, which on some level is scary, because I think he actually does know what I am thinking! How deep a thinker can I really be, if my dog can track my thoughts and feelings, in real time? But, like a dog, living in the moment for the senses isn't such a bad existance.

At $4 a gallon, I can't help thinking how much money I'm saving being "off the road" so to speak. Ha Ha!

Enjoy being in the moment, yesterday is gone, and tommorrow is yet the show itself.

He Made A Change,

Bill

Sunday A.M. Update

Howdy Prayer Team,

Well, I'll be brief. The last few days have been about the same, no blood counts, little better appetite, and anxiously counting down the days to expect a rebound. Anywhere from 3 to 10 more days.

Watched with great hope, to witness Big Browns Big Day. But, very much appreciated the jockey's sensibilities and not hurt a horse who simply wasn't in the spirit. Looking forward to the Laker vs. Celtic game tonight.

My special nurse Inia, was on duty today but not assigned to me. She popped in,and with only her eyes exposed, I knew instantly she was here. Like a giddy school girl, she peeked around the corner to surprise me with a new head scarf and ball cap. She assured me that, even though they were new, they had been hand washed and ironed by her at home, for me. She was nearly indignant to accept any payment, no matter how much I insisted, something the other nurses later said they could have told me. "That's just Inia, she enjoys helping her patients." She also expressed a willingness to do whatever personal laundry that I may need, she said "I even cook Phillipino home meals to make you better. You are on a solid diet, and this would be o.k. professionally."

What else is there to say, but to express my heartfelt joy to know that I am witnessing the Grace of God at work in my life.

Humbled in Houston,

Bill

Nurse Angel

Like the marathon runner who suddenly "hits the wall", today I found myself desperately searching for a reason to take another step. No direct cause, just a sudden confluence of events that litterally left me feeling overwhelmed. A cold moment in time, space and circumstance that abruptly began to diminish "this little light of mine".

The opening scene in the classic movie "It's A Wonderful Life" illustrates a Devine perspective that ultimately, thankfully, graciously saved the day. If you recall, the opening scene is simply a heavenly star filled sky, and the viewer over hears a buzz of "Flickering Stars" symbolizing Angels conversing about the the plight of earthbound George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart). They concluded that George needed the services of an Angel. "Clarence",an Angel who has yet to earn his "Wings", was personally dispatched to earth to help George Bailey. Curious about the purpose of his engagement, Clarence asked "What's wrong, is he dying?" "No, no Clarence", the God like voice clarified, "it's worse, he's DISCOURAGED."

Fatigued by the steady drip of disappointing news from dispassionate doctors, I suddenly found myself asking God to do something, anything, I needed a life line. Since my nurse "INIA", is dutifully present at every Group meeting, Nola suggested that I seek her perspective to better understand my own. Somewhat hestitant to cross any professional boundary, I dared to reach out to Inia. Out of respect, she barely rarely makes eye contact, as if to diminish her role as my servant, she graciouly tried to reassure me that she understood my situation and that I should not despair. Her native Philippino self-less response from that moment forward, was to witness a Heavenly transition from nurse to "Nurse Angel".

First, she reassured me that she was there to do whatever I needed and promptly suggested that she knows where she can borrow some clippers to remove the unsightly blotches of my remaining hair. Clearly, a gesture to immediately inject some urgently needed dignity. Sitting as tall as she stood, she gently ran the clippers over my scalp as if she was preparing "Big Brown" for the Triple Crown. I don't know how a buzz cut could take 30 minutes but her attention to detail knew no time constraints. In her soft Philippino broken english, she quitely explained her every move, "I-trim-neck, any-pain? Now-I-go-round-ear, you- O.K.? I suddenly felt humbled to the point that I wasn't worthy of such respect. She politely excused herself and returned shortly with smiling eyes and a head bandana.

Cancer knows no boundaries as it strips you of your dignities. Constant nausea, vomitting and diarrea, infections and loss of appetite rush over you like a human tidal wave. Leaving your body struggling to maintain any resemblence of it's formal self. The ever present toxic skin burn on your "bottom", in and of itself becomes, a high risk area for infection. But, my Nurse Angel delicately prepares for this humiliating experience after every bathroom visit. With the professional focus of a surgeon, she arranges her supplies and preps me like she was performing open heart surgery. Reassuring me of her every move, "Am-I-hurting you? I-spray-warm-water, is-it-to-hot? I-spray-foam-to-sanitize. I-be-careful. You-O.K.? I-apply-Lan-o-cain-for-pain, this-better? Then she applies a anti-fungal topical barrier to seal the procedure. Feeling so vulnerable, she turns this humiliating experience into a care givers opportunity to shine. Clearly God called this Nurse Angel into action because I suddenly felt the return of my humanity.

Like the "M.A.S.H." character "Radar O'Reilly" she's one step ahead of the moment at all times. She acknowledged that she's aware how difficult it is for me to sit in a chair, but the hospital does not stock the sitting air donuts anymore. She said "I-stop-and-buy-one-on-my-way-to-work." Her kindness swept over me like a heavenly wave of loving support. How could this tiny woman become so large in this moment? It was as if God dispatched a rouge member of his Angelic SWAT team to correct the situation, STAT! To say that she had an impact on my being at that moment was to witness God performing a miracle right in front, (and behind) me.

I pray that I've not offended you in my graphic description of my day, but without this insight, you couldn't imagine the magnitude of her role in my emotional and physical well being.

Please hold my Nurse Angel Inia in your prayers, to strengthen her, as she graciously goes about her daily duties serving me and others in our greatest hour of need. As a blessing from me, please pause and take in her image, and you'll feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. It's a wonderful thing.

Humbled in knowing that He cares,

Bill

The Road To Recovery Got A Little Longer Today

Hey Ya'll,

Thanks for all the cards and Gmails, I really enjoy opening each and every one. I'd be less than honest if I didn't admit that today's Biopsy results were disappointing. A "Day 21" benchmark indicates that the cancer has been reduced, but still remains in my bone marrow. This possibility was clearly explained before we started, but of course you hope that somehow your statistical response will be on the "right" side of the best possible outcome. Many cases are unresponsive or require multiple rounds of chemo to achieve remission.

The plan now is to do a "Day 28" biopsy to compare the results. This analysis will determine what to do next. I'm not eligible for a transplant until I am able to achieve remission. Meanwhile, I'm slowly starting to eat some, no fevers or infections, and overall I'm feeling much better than I have for many days. Still watching Fox News, and Joel Osteen, as often as I want and have acquired all 9 seasons of "Frazier" on DVD.

Again, your support strengthens me, and I am so encouraged when I read the new comments you leave on the Blog site or the messages via G-mail. Temps in the 50's and rain, wind and pot holes sure sound good to me!

Still climbing the mountain,

Bill

Bet You're A Wonder'n

Howdy From Houston,

Well, let's just say that its been a tough week. Just to show you how determined I am, I'll even throw-in a free lifetime bus pass for anyone that can cure this thing! Seriously, the pass would be good for two, round-trip!

But, thank God, I'm not in-charge. So it is in faith, I walk, actually sleep, my way through the darkest times. Then, I began to notice how nice and warm it is outside. Could my reaction to how bad I felt, proportionally increase the beauty right in front of me? The nicely made bed this morning, the clear Texas Skyline, 8 construction cranes from my window. Baylor Medical, St. Lukes, and Methodist Hospital's are just a few of the local projects I can see from my window. There's something always interesting on T.V., even the news, which is kind of scary to watch, makes me yearn for the day I can return to the stable plains of South Dakota.

Don't know if you ever heard of Joel Osteen, he's a young Pastor of the Lakewood Church here in Houston. His T.V. ministry is the largest in the world, and so is his local attendance. Between 30-40 thousand a week! Do me, and yourself, a favor and locate a channel that you can see and hear him. Then contrast your reaction to his message, to that of Rev. Wright, Obama's pastor. I know, politics is a yucky subject, but cancer is quite liberating. If the Obama senses were numbed to the point that the he was unable to shield himself, his family and later his campaign, from personal and political fall-out, are we to expect that he has some other stealthy "size em' up" system, to protect the entire nation from people who openly want to wipe a nation off the face of the planet? And, how long would it take for that system to kick in?

Come to think of it, maybe I'm spending to much time watching Fox News, and not Joel Osteen! Just that sentence made me feel better.

Well, gotta go for now but know that my heart is grateful knowing that you're pulling for me.

Sincerely;


Bill

P.S. As one of my favorite gospel music songs, Lynda Randall sings "God is God On The Mountain, And God In The Valley Too".

The Mrs. Checks In

It's been a few days since Bill posted to his blog (and for a very good reason), so I thought I'd bring it up to date.

All in all, it's been a very draining week for Bill. It started last Saturday with a low grade fever that moved into high gear on Sunday and got everyone's attention. He's basically been struggling with the recurring fever all week. It turned out that bacteria was in his chest port, so they pulled the port out yesterday and put a different one in his arm. He'll get another chest port when he stays fever-free for 48 hours. He's gotten platlets several times, as well as blood transfusions, and he's simply feeling extremely puny. As soon as he recovers some strength, he will post his own blog.

My trip to Houston was interesting and educational. I learned that Bill can't leave his room, and everyone who comes in (me, doctors, nurses, food service staff, etc.)has to diligently prepare for the visit - hand scrubbing, booties, gown, latex gloves, mask, and head cover. Only the eyes are uncovered. Plus, I had to go to two classes on port cap changes and Heparin flushing, as well as sterile dressing changes. THEN, I had to demonstrate my skills to a staff member. Someone in the family has to be "certified" to do this before the patient can be released to home care. Which, of course, we don't have a clue yet as to when that will be, but, like a good Girl Scout, I'm prepared!

We are so thankful for the wifi capability at the hospital - being able to access the internet, check email, etc., makes it seem like Bill isn't quite so confined. He loves hearing from you, reading your blog posts, emails, and cards. It makes him feel not quite so far from home. So, a big "THANK YOU" to those who are helping to make Bill's days a little more bearable . . . we like to think of you as angels in his room.

Blessings,
Nola

A Long, but wonderful Weekend

Hi Campers,

Will be brief, and sorry for not updating earlier but I've been a little under the weather. Some days are easier than others, this weekend has not been easy. But, the good news is that Nola is here, and she was at the right place, at the right time, to get me over the hump.

Hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. We watched the Indianapolis 500 and the NASCAR races. You've got to give the "Patriot Award" to the racing organizations for prioritizing a traditional, prayer based, patriotic salute to our nations troops. And its not just on Memorial Day either, every race is opened with an invocation. I hope you caught the Bag Pipers playing "Amazing Grace", or the scene where all the troops were marching on the track, and the fly-overs are just something special to see as they conclude the National Anthem. It takes exceptionally focused leadership to establish these priorities for their business, it vendor's and customers. With a fan base the size of NASCAR, to take such a "risk" in these hyper-politically correct times, is something, in and of itself, to salute.

Thank God this day for your health, freedom, prosperity, love, and family as you go about your daily routine. We all have so much to be grateful for, but sometimes we need a little nudge. As Nola likes to point out, "If there's alot of chaos around you, it's God trying to get you attention." Well, he's got mine. How about you?

In His name,

Bill

Reagan (a.k.a. "Stinky") Steps Up

Hey Ya'll,

Well as many of you know, God works through people. But, He works through animals too, in this case our Golden Retriever, Reagan (a.k.a. "The Stink"). We'll get back to how he has also lived up to his nickname a little later.

Leukemia patients are by definition, suffering from a compromised immune system, and require regular blood transfusions. I've received three (3) transfusions in the short time I've been here in Houston. Upon admission, the MDA staff informed me that I should ask all my friends and family to consider donating blood, to off-set my need, to their local blood banks. Since blood banks support the need nationally, the call is good anywhere in the country. Apparently, the blood supply is low nationally and volunteers, like you, are needed. We've posted information on how to participate on the top right front page of this Blog Site. Or, you can call Nancy at Avera Hospital in Sioux Falls at 322-3035. She is my "go-to" person to find anyone I need at Avera and she will be happy to direct you too.

Back to The Stink. Yesterday, a local resident stopped by to inquire about about an opening at Prairie Coach. He and his wife, a local Vet (animal doc), are both new to the area and not familiar with the local dog population. Well, if you've ever been to our office, Stink is the official greeter at Prairie Coach. You could say he's a working dog. They, like everyone else, immediately noticed that he's larger than you might expect of a typical Golden. (I would suggest that he's the biggest Golden I've ever seen!) The conversation turned serious, as the Vet explained to Nola that another large dog at her clinic was in desperate need of a blood transfusion or he was sure to die. It seems that his blood platelets were below 9,000, and there was no local blood supply readily available.

As God would have it, there's the Big Stink doing what he does best, being obnoxius and begging for attention, or whatever other favor he may extract at the moment. The Vet asked Nola if she would be willing to volunteer the Stink to be a blood donor. Of course, Nola was all for it. But, I couldn't help but think if I've ever heard of a dog needing a transfusion? Considering the situation, the irony is clearly "a sign". Nola, an animal lover like no other, immediately dispatched the Stink into action. He spent the rest of the day at the Dell's Vet Clinic and valantly fulfilled his call to duty.

Nola called last night to tell me how proud she was of her favorite son and that the vet complimented him on his friendly nature. But, the story doesn't end there, and dogs will be dogs. Last night Nola retired early, to rest up to catch a 6:30 a.m. flight to visit me here in Houston. She emailed early this morning, to let me know, that the Stink woke her up in the middle of the night to go outside and, of course, while doing his business, he got tangled up with a SKUNK! Last night, of all nights! Nola cleaned him up the best she could, and once again, we will have to call on Darcy (Reagan's big sister and fellow dog lover) to work her detox magic during his weekend sleep-over at her house.

Like I posted earlier, God has an incredible sense of humor. And, in this case, He reminds us that sometimes, one of His most precious blessings, is standing right there next to you on four legs faithfully witnessing that God has a purpose for all living beings, even stinky ones.

He Made A Change,

Stinky's Dad

Feeling Better and Grateful

If you seen the movie the "Bucket List" I'll ask you to recall the scene when Jack Nicholson was in the bathroom on his knees and feeling yucky, or "driving the porcelain bus" as Alf would say, and he quipped "some lucky B......d somewhere is having a heart attack!"

You kind of get the picture of the scene here last night. But, as you know, there is relief when the driving finally stops! Yeah!

I am also grateful for many things today. We passed our D.O.T. bus inspection with flying colors, thanks to Jeff in our shop; Nola did a wonderful job speaking on my behalf at the groundbreaking of the new Avera cancer hospital yesterday. If there is an Angel on planet earth, it is Nola. She is truly my inspiration daily. What a priviledge for Avera to include us in this event, the largest construction project in Sioux Falls history. I can tell you, Avera is serious about cancer care!

As you know, I'm participating in a clinical trial, and today is the last day of chemo, at least for this month. The plan now is to remain in isolation, like the boy in the bubble, and to avoid any infections. My blood counts are nose diving, as expected, due to the chemo therapy. The goal is to kill the cancer cells but in doing so, the good cells die too. So you have to wait for a couple of weeks for your body to recover and pray that the counts come back up to normal, minus the cancer cells. I've been at this place twice before and, thanks to team Avera, its worked both times, so I'm very hopeful. Depending on the timing for locating a stem cell donor match, I'll likely come home at months end and need more chemo until the match is complete.

I'm also grateful for some great basketball on T.V. The local sports news is that the San Antonio Spurs have made it to the NBA Western Conference Finals, and of course Timberwolves fans have to find solace in having to savor the impact Kevin Garnett has made in just one season for the Celtics. They too, are in the Eastern Conference finals. King James is no Michael Jordan; yet. I wish I had a Nerf Hoop on the door!

I'm especially grateful for the love and support from you my faithful Blogger Friends, and GMail buddies. Pastor Milt Borah is leading a wonderful prayer vigil for me at Quarry Rock Church in Dell Rapids. Thanks Milt. There are talkers and there are do'ers, and Milt's a do'er! Just look at what he's done in just a short time in Dells!!

I also received a very inspiring call from Pastor Michael Brandt from Sioux Falls. He was traveling to a retreat in Ohio but took the time to call and share some inspirational words with me. You may recall that although Pastor Brandt lost his wife to cancer a few short years ago, they chose to memorialize her memory by publishing a book of emails "Sent and Received". The family first shared the emails with their friends and congregation. It later bloomed into a wonderful, inspirational, legacy to a very lovely woman. Not only did this work help keep everyone informed, it witnessed the joy of living fully even under difficult circumstances. I asked Paster B to share his complete thoughts on my Blog, but I'll paraphrase our conversation..."that no matter how difficult the situation, no matter what problems you face just pause and know...Psalm 73:23 'But I am always with you; you have held my hand.' Being still, alone in a hospital room, does provide a wonderful opportunity to know that my God is near"

Well my soup is getting cold, but like I used to say to the kids that worked for us at the Dairy Queen "Some people complain when their ice cream is cold!" So I'll not complain, but I might not eat it either. HA Ha!

He Made A Change,

Bill

P.S. Soup Update: It is still warm, but its a no go for now. But the jello is a goner! Stay in touch, I love hearing from you on the blog or you can get on board the GMail train. Call Darcy or Nola at the office for details if you need help.

The Power of Prayer

Howdy again from Houston,

It's hard to look too far ahead when every hour of every day contains so many important moments. When I was first admitted to Avera in 2004, Amy, my nurse, paused to emphasize an important concept for me to think about. I sat up a little straighter knowing she was about to share something important with me. She said "just live one day at a time." I thought, "That's it?". Like many other words of wisdom, they're repeated so often that they loose their meaning. Dismissing her wisdom as well intentioned fluff, I smiled politely and thought under my breath,..."Of course I'm going to live one day at a time, I can't live (3) at a time."

Soon, I couldn't help but note the intensity of the care that I was receiving as a patient admitted to Three East at Avera. Three East is a special wing within Avera to treat Leukemia and other blood cancers. The rooms are isolated with seperate hepa filtered ventilation systems to protect patients from breathing the same hospital air. Nurses and their assistants were virtually circling my room. I was instructed to avoid brushing my teeth, shaving (unless electric shaver)or clipping fingernails. Blood pressure, temperature, oxygen levels, and never ending questions about how I'm feeling, any pain, or discomfort. If I was at a hotel, I would feel important but in a hospital it's unnerving to be the focus of such concern.

When the nurse awakened me in the middle of the night to check my blood pressure and temp for the umteenth time in 12 hours, I had to ask. "Is this really necessary? You just checked me over a short time ago!" She politely explained, "Your blood counts are so dangerously low that any change in your vital signs could indicate an infection and most patients don't die from leukemia, they succumb to complications of leukemia." Now, I'm feeling a little guilty, she added "If your temp spikes one degree we are instructed to take blood cultures and look for the bug that's causing it so we can get you the right anti-biotic ASAP to fight it off."

Like most important lessons in life, I had a flash back to nurse Amy and her "live one day at a time" advice. It broadsided me like a Prairie Coach. I was no longer living a day at a time, I was actually living ONE HOUR AT A TIME!!

The situation today here at M.D. Anderson is the same but different. This time I'm able, empowered if you will, to approach this from a different perspective. I don't just know what's going on, I understand it. And there's a big difference between the two. You can read a book and know the concept of how to build a widget, but until you actually build, use, repair and service that widget, you don't really understand what it is, that you thought you knew.

To paraphrase Max Lucado:

"You and I live in a loud world. To get someone's attention is no easy task." ...He or she must be willing to set everything aside to listen; turn down the radio, turn away from the monitor, turn the corner of the page, turn off the cell phone, ignore the T.V. When someone is willing to silence everything to really listen, it is a priviledge. A rare priviledge, indeed.

But you can talk to God anytime, anywhere for any reason. Your voice matters in heaven. No need to fear that you will be ignored. Even if you stammer and stutter, even if what you say impresses no one, it impresses God. He listens to the painful plea of the elderly in the rest home; the gruff confession of the death-row inmate; the alcoholic as he begs for mercy; the spouse seeking counsel, and the business person stepping off the street and into the chapel. Intently, carefully, the prayers are honored as precious jewels...your words do not stop until they reach the very throne of God. You may, or may not, understand the mystery of prayer. Don't fret, because you don't need to. But this much is clear: Actions in heaven begin when someone prays on earth. Just ask me. Because of leukemia, I've gained an understanding of the power of prayer and I know that I am strengthened daily by each and everyone.

Tommorrow, starts the heavy chemo and I'll be moved into isolation. So keep the prayers coming, not just for us, but for all those important in your life. And, if you will, pause all the distractions and extend us the priviledge of your time. Even if its just for a moment, and send to the Throne a special prayer for Nola and I. We pray that you'll fully realize the subtle blessing of knowing and understanding that you are sending a very special gift indeed.

Prayerfully yours,

Blogger Bill

Enjoying The Simple Things

Howdy Pardner!

It's hard to believe that its been nearly 4 years ago that I was first admitted at Avera. The ritual continues today, vitals checked every four hours, that's right every four hours 24/7, 8PM, Midnight, 4am and 8am, and so on. So sleeping is catching a nap when you can because in between vital checks, the nurse brings in some new medications, chemo, a swab sample, chest x-ray, catheter surgery, blood tests, blood results, platelet transfusions, etc.

You learn to sleep, not on my tummy like I like, but kinked over on my left side, like I'm spoonin' with myself just so I can elevate my right arm. This way I'm less likely to yank out the I.V. The bed is nice, but overly high tech. I never realized how much I move around in bed until now. Thanks to this wiz bang bed, a routine shift of my weight, and buzzzzzzzz! You sit up, buzzzz! Lay down, sigh heavily, roll over buzzzz! The bed is interactive and it is annoying. It's annoying because the bed has built in air bellows that kick in and buzz at every move. Tonight, I even miss my non-interactive bed.

What's my point in all of this? There's purpose in all things, good and bad, even the most uncomfortable challenges life has to offer. Country singer Trace Atkins illustrates this well in his latest hit "You're gonna miss this." The familiar routine and the every day faces are the ones who matter most but we often fail to appreciate. Seeing the neighbor in the field on his tractor, Nola fussing in the kitchen, or just knowing she's near by reading. I miss my chair, the Argus Leader, the Stink (a.k.a "Reagan" our Golden Retriever)dutifully waiting for something edible to come his direction, while I watch Fox News and then close out the evening with reruns of Frazier. (Come to think about it, Niles reminds me of one of my Doctors.)

The little things really are the big things. The friendly face behind the counter at the convenience store on your way to work, the pheasants darting across the road in front of you. The deer off in the distance near the tree line. Dorothy had it right in 1939, Oz is just a place with a lot of empty glitz. Give me a $5 lunch at Merlins, or the Waffle House here in the south.

A friend of the late American jurist Oliver Wendell Holmes asked him why he had taken up the study of Greek at the age of ninety-four. Holmes replied, "Well, my good sir, it's now or never." When J.C. Penney was ninety-five years old, he affirmed, "My eyesight may be getting weaker, but my vision is increasing."

"Those who try to hold on to their lives will give up true life. Those who give up their lives for me will hold on to true life.(Matthew 10:39)" To paraphrase Jesus, "...The wisest are not the ones with the most years in their lives, but the most life in their years."

Tonight. I am so grateful that I have had so much life in my years and will continue to pursue living. A renewed opportunity with my daughters family, a grand-daughter to spoil, a future to experience no matter how long it may be. Perhaps, that is a mountain in front of me, but I'm a climber and that's no mountain for a climber!

He Made A Change,

Bill

God Answers Prayer on His Terms

Hey Ya'll,

As they say, "Be careful what you pray for!" Well, I've been ragging on the cold, wet and snowy weather for weeks, praying for some summer heat. And, being a man of faith, I knew God would come through. Today's high temp was in the 90's! God also has a sense of humor too... I'm stuck in Houston, Texas. And, for no less than a month!

Imagine, your walking on an asphalt trail across the Badlands on a steamy, sweltering, hot July afternoon, an hour after a drenching down-pour. Now you have a pretty good sense of what a Tuesday in early May feels like in Rocket-land (NBA). After a few hours I've begun a new and improved prayer. I just want to be back where it's often cold, but sometimes hot. Back where it's often rainy, but sometimes sunny. Like Dorothy who realizes she's not in Kansas anymore, there's no place like home.

This Blogging thing is really fun! It's 2:17am and I'm feeling very productive. This is truly the "Early Edition", submitted by your's truly, "Blog" Connor.

Thankfully, team Avera in Sioux Falls caught my relapse at a very early stage during a routine 6-month exam. Considering that this is my second relapse in less than a year, time has become a serious issue and the latest conventional therapy may not be my best option since it hasn't seem to do the trick. So after carefully discussing my options with Kelly, Steve and Christine, we elected to explore the potential of a clinical trial comprised of some promising new drug therapies not available anywhere but at a research hospital. So, I chose to see what the University of Texas/M.D. Anderson Cancer Center might have to offer.

Nola and I traveled south last week to visit MDA and discovered some promising options. But, since these therapies are new, and not FDA approved, they have to be administered here in Houston. We returned home on Friday. Before departing, Avera checked my blood work and monitored my condition over the weekend to keep me safe to travel. After consulting them on Monday we decided to pursue the clinical trial.

After a day of tests, meetings, more tests, a heart scan, more meetings and a doctor consult we selected one of the three available options. It is hoped that this new drug therapy will enhance the latest "approved" chemo drugs. Since, I've been given some of these drugs before, it is hoped that this new "cocktail" will be the combo to stop this disease in it's tracks. I'm not someone who likes to think of himself as a pioneer, cause he's the guy with the arrows in his back. But considering that I'm just the 3rd patient to receive this therapy, there is a sense that the arrows could be flying in my direction.

Keep us in your prayers. Tommorrow starts day one on the road back to Sioux Falls. And if I'm lucky, I'll be back before it snows!

He Made A Change,

Bill

Initialize

Howdy from Darcy & Nola! As we set up Bill's blog for his trip to M.D. Anderson in Houston, TX.